Let’s begin by looking at why personal boundaries are needed.
No matter how much you love each other, you’re still different.
People who need less personal space often feel insecure with partners who are the opposite of them.
“My partner’s need for personal space is about them, not about me.”
The amount of personal space needed also depends on the emotional atmosphere at the time.
Here’s a simple exercise to discover the amount of personal space that you and your partner require:
1. Determining your space
Stand about 10 feet apart facing each other.
The one going first walks slowly toward the other.
The second person puts their hands up when the one walking is close enough.
Then the next one does it.
2. Repeat the exercise with each of you having an image of the last time you each felt.
● Angry with each other
● When sad
● When scared
● When happy
● When amorous
3. Discuss your results.
The Why’s of Personal Space Differences
People with more anxiety and those known as highly sensitive need more personal space.
People needing more personal space have an active parietal-frontal network in their brains.
Consider these facts:
1. Their comfort level with others coming close to them is smaller than most people.
2. Their sensitivity to stimulation (sounds, sights, emotional energy) is high.
3. This is about their needs, and their comfort level, and not about their partner.
Introverts versus extroverts
Introverts need more personal space than extroverts.
Introverts are more sensitive to the brain chemicals dopamine, which brings excitement, and acetylcholine, which brings calm.
Let's see how these brain chemicals affect introverts and extroverts differently.
The more excitement, the more dopamine is produced.
For an introvert, a little dopamine goes a long way.
An extrovert needs much more dopamine than an introvert to feel the effects.
Quiet activities stimulate the production of Acetylcholine, a calming chemical.
The more reading, thinking, and quiet an introvert has, the calmer they are.
An extrovert barely notices the subtle calming effects of acetylcholine.
Extroverts feel the excitement of the dopamine rush and prefer it.
1. You may have different needs at home.
•If you have space, each of you may need your own “cave.”
•Develop a signal or sign letting your partner know that you need alone time.
2. You may have different needs for space when you're
experiencing different emotions.
3. Physical space needs are also about touching.
•People who reach out to others by touch may feel rejected when their partner doesn’t want to be touched.
•Part of being an emotionally supportive partner is knowing when and when not to touch.
•Realize that their needs for touch probably have nothing to do with you.
•Use communication skills to address any difficult feelings which come up.
4. Sexual intimacy also involves personal boundaries and personal space.
•Be very clear with each other about your expectations regarding monogamy.
If you need more help finding solutions to your challenges when it comes to relationships and family, you can contact us at 904-601-1026 and we will set up a time to connect. If you like the content please like and follow our Official Facebook Page.
